Giving myself a bit of a ticking off

. . . because I'm going nowhere.

What follows is very inward looking and probably boring so please feel free to scroll on by!  I really won't mind.  I'm talking to me and about me, not about anyone else.  We all walk our own journey on our individual road and I'm truly not pointing any fingers anywhere else but at me.

I think the trouble is yes, I have lost a lot of weight and yes, I am in the BMI healthy banding (just, mostly) and yes, I am OK with the way I look as I dress to hide certain bulges!
I do eat a healthy and fairly well balanced diet, as much as anyone who isn't a nutritional expert can tell.
And I have proved that I can keep this weight off and maintain.  That's actually quite a good thing and gives me confidence for the future.

So there's lots of reasons to be pleased - and I am, I really am.

However . . .
I've really gone nowhere since before Mum died.  I look at my weight then and my weight now and there's only a few pounds in it (down, thank goodness).  That's in five months.  Blimey!
I've gained and lost and lost and gained but the overall trend is pretty much horizontal.  Not good enough!

So - what to do?

Well, obviously, I could just accept the situation as it is now.  It's good.  It's pretty healthy.  People who know me from the olden days don't recognise me now which makes me laugh!  My weight no longer stops me from doing things I want to do.  I can walk, run upstairs, don't get breathless quickly and my blood pressure is a lot better.  I can hide the bulgy bits.

There's a saying that I've always rather liked.

It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with 'good'.  Good is a great place to be.  However, it's just too easy to accept good when it could be better - or best.
I think that's where I am right now.  In the good place but not in the best place.  I know this particular area of my life could be better and, maybe, I am letting myself down by accepting 'good' instead of 'best'.  There's this little niggle of I-don't-know-what nibbling around the edges that tells me so.

Putting it into real terms, there's podgy bits, wobbly bits (more than I want), bits that are just a bit too much.  I know I can't do anything about the stretched and now wrinkled bits (short of surgery) but I know it could be better and I want it to be better.  I want to be a bit stronger, a bit more toned, a bit less wobbly.

So - what to do.
First of all, I have to recommit to eating healthily.  Mostly I do, as you know, but I come to Dad's three days in each fourteen and have got into terrible habits here (as you know).  One day a fortnight would be OK, three is just too much.  I've already fought lots of temptation this morning, even though I know this evening's meal will be a bit 'naughty'. 
Every time it's the same but it doesn't have to be,  It's not Dad's 'fault' for having nibbly bits and bobs in, it is mine for going for them, for saying 'a little bit of what you fancy' far too much and far too often.
I've also got into a bad habit of letting go after SW group - and believe me, when I let go, I really do let go.  Such a silly thing to have started doing.
I'm hoping this ticking off will give me some control in these areas because it really is down to me.

The other area is exercise.  I'm very much more active than I was because I can be.  I'm now enjoying walks which I never did before.  My feet and ankles have stopped hurting, my hips and back no longer ache, that's all good.  However, I think I need something more structured.  I nearly typed 'want' there but that would be a fib; I've never been that keen on exercise, sadly.
I can swim more often.  What's put me off that is the time it takes to get my hair right afterwards and that's a bit pathetic really. 
And, before I even started thinking about all this, I booked up a series of five sessions one to one with a local trainer.  Coincidentally, they start next Thursday.  I can't say I'm looking forward to them all that much but - we will see.

I want to lose just under a stone.  It really should only take me a couple of months, despite having a holiday in the middle, especially as that holiday is an activity holiday at Center Parcs.  More than that, I want to lose certainly bulges and tone certain muscles.    So what I need to decide is that I want it enough to make the necessary effort and commitment.

Here's hoping!
(and I think I might put that poster as my banner for a couple of months, just to remind me)